Hi Friends,
Hard to believe it’s been a month already. And that it is November!
“Something has to change.”
You ever said that about a relationship, a job, your life? For most of us, it’s likely that at some point in our lives, several points actually, it can feel like there is something we’d like to change about how we’re going through life. I don’t mean in a “we’re never satisfied” kind of way. But aspects of our lives that we sense are begging for our attention, even if we’ve tried to ignore it. Things we know should be different, and though maybe we can speak in generalities, - like I want to be happier or more money or to live somewhere else or a new job or different friends or a different relationship - we haven’t taken the time or summoned the energy (or the courage most likely) to explore that sense more thoroughly, to name the specific thing aloud, or to think about how we want it to change.
I’ve been thinking a lot about change recently. Maybe because so much about my life still feels so different that it was 18 months ago. In many ways the world is acting as if everything is back to being the same as it was. We’re all tired of having been off kilter for so long. COVID fatigue is real and understandable. But what is also real is the fact that things will never quite be the same as they once were. Change has happened and is still happening. On a grand scale in the world, but also in our individual lives. Some change is unavoidable, but some change has to be intentional. Yet to figure out what specifically we want to change, and why exactly, well that takes some work.
It usually means asking ourselves hard questions and listening to the answers that stir within us. When we begin to ask about the specific things we want in our lives, it usually begets more questions that lead back to having to look at ourselves in the mirror. That looking can take days and weeks, even months and years sometimes. But often, I think what we’ll find is that we have more agency to effect these changes than we previously acknowledged or realized. We can always take steps towards getting what we say we want, towards making the changes we intuit our life needs.
But just as often, what we will also find is a deep resistance to doing our part, like a little child version of ourselves is still tiptoeing about somewhere inside us, afraid of making a mistake, of disappointing someone, of being ridiculed. Change, even when it’s what we want, is risky and scary, and requires vulnerability on some level.
As I get older, I realize that significant changes in our lives usually means something new wants to be born of us. But I also realize that any new life needs room to exist and grow. Something from the old life has to be released. So alongside thinking about the changes I may want in my life at any given time, be it in relationships, work, friendships, creativity, or health, I’m also learning to ask myself, “what from my life needs to be released?” What thought pattern, what fear, what habit, what words, and self-speak do I need to actively practice letting go of? And what keeps me from letting go?
So as we start a new month, I’m inviting you to sit in front of a mirror and ask yourself three questions:
1) What’s the most pressing change (within your power) you want in your life right now? (Get as specific as possible.)
2) What’s one thing you need to release from your life to move towards that change?
3) Are you taking steps towards making the change you want? If not, what’s holding you back? What is your resistance about?
One of my favorite songs, that I’ve been listening to on repeat lately is “Landslide” by Fleetwood Mac.
I love the lines: “Can the child within my heart rise above? / Can I sail through the changing ocean tides? / Can I handle the seasons of my life?”
Here’s link to Landslide with the lyrics, take a listen.
When you hear from me next month, I hope that thing about your life is a little different than today.
Till then, if any one person came to your mind as you read this - maybe share it with them.
I’ll write again soon.
Sending Light,
Enuma
Hi Enuma! Your newsletter couldn't have come at a better time for 2 reasons. One, I just mailed a copy of The Reluctant Pilgrim to a friend on Saturday. She is going through a rough patch. I pray that she enjoys the book as much as I did and that it makes her laugh. Two, the releasing questions in this newsletter, are very close to the ones another friend asked this morning.
"Be brave" indeed! Thank you. Change is never easy but I've taken a baby step. I'm also encouraged by a quote that I read from Hoda Kotb's book that said "We tend to forget that baby steps still move us forward."